my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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