Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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