The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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