i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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