She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize