I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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