Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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