So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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