He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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