We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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