Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize