its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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