my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Say something about gay babies.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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