i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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