Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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