I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize