The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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