I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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