I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why didn't you poke me back
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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