the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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