If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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