And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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Sorry I peed on your ottoman
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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