Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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