I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I want is dick and wine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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