so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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