i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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