There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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