Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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