Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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