I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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