But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize