also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize