It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize