I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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