Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize