Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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