She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize