Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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