I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize