omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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