Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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