You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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