she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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