I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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