So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize