I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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