What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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