So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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