Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need to stop coming to work sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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