i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize